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Toxic parents

Question

I just wanted to know if there are people out there who have ever filed a complaint against their parents for overstepping the lines, being a toxic parent. I am at my wit's end. My parents have "coached" me in all my important life decisions, and being a good girl have done this against my own better intuition. Now I am reaping the results of being a "good" daughter, though I have never been a good daughter in their eyes. Ever since I moved back to Belgium as a single mom, they have become worse, and are meddling with my life. Eg after 1 year of divorce procedures, they went to see my still then husband to tell him I still loved him and wanted to get back together, and then proceeded to tell them all about my life, just what I had told them not to. After my divorce, they have always taken his side and have been there for him, inviting him even in their home for a holiday (he is rich and can afford a hotel) without telling me. Again proceeding to telling him all about my life. My mother has even contacted a lawyer once to find out if my ex could oblige me to invite him in my home as I obviously did not want him in mu house. They have always had a vexatious and distressing attitude towards me. They always disapproved of me travelling alone or with my kids, going out with friends, dating, throwing parties. They made it clear I've had my chance and better be a nun now. Whereas my youngest sister, also divorced can do as she likes and is encouraged to meet someone again. It's a long story to explain it all, and how much this hurts but also affects my life. However now they are starting with my kids. My mother visited my son's school last year (after I said she couldn't) to tell them she did not agree with his study choice, that he should do something different and that they should test him again. This after I had 6 months of following up with all kinds of counselors! I found out because she had given her name as primary school contact!!! Recently my dad said I am a bad mother and a bad woman, I cannot manage my life and I do not take care of my son, that is why my mother has to do it... I am a responsible woman, managing as well as I can. I do not get any support from my sisters at all. Might I add one little detail of how I was brought up in this "lovely" middle class family: when we went camping in the Provence, my mother took us stealing peaches in orchards. I thought nothing of it then, but now as a responsible adult and mother, I cannot believe she taught us stealing is ok. Especially as her father was a potatoe farmer...
So please, I would love to know if anyone has filed a complaint, or how you dealt with the issue. I am falling to pieces. And I also realize my ex is a copy of my mother, and they use each other to control my life. You can also email me at toxicmom at fastmail dot fm

From the archives

Golly - it sounds like the cosmos is against you.

My only adive is to forget and forgive. Don't take examples from the past like the peach stealing, which sounds to me perfectly innocent.

You will only damage yourself and become bitter and twisted, better to let it roll off you like water from a duck.

Good luck, you sound very screwed up,

Aug 22, 2011 15:20