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Hi !

Got a difficult one to ask about a difficult situ.

Our young child has a habit of not listening and playing up in public (supermarket, etc) and needs to be told to behave, etc. This is a constant occurrence and is driving me to despair !

Partner does very little or when they see fit to do, but mostly very little. Allows themself to "spectate" these occurences in public and passes comments which attracts attention of customers, etc. Basically I feel that I am the person who is made to look and to be known as the one who is to blame and therefore I have a "reputation" in my partner's eyes.

This situ is getting really out of control - i lack patience but when this continues is it any wonder.

I have spoken to my partner about this, but well here we are again.

I feel as I am hitting my head against a wall all the time, our child is getting a bit afraid of me due to my reactions but then again is it any wonder?

Therefore I feel that my child's "influences" are going again me !

Not good situ, but I feel that it takes the work of two to solve this matter, pesonally !

Any advice, guidance greatly appreciated !

siomah350

You might not like this answer, but the solution si rather simple.

STOP. Stop everything. Does it matter if it disrupts your life a bit when in the long run it will make it so much better. So each time you go out if your child starts acting up - stop everything you are doing - don't give a warning - and just walk out. Leave your cart. Dont control or console your child and go straight home. After a few times of this your child will think twice and understand if they misbehave in public that there are consequences.

This isn't mean or cruel. I will not yell at my kids in public and I would never allow my partner to do what your does. We simply have had this rule since day 1 and stuck to it. We can now shop very quietly , go to resto's perfectly and we are so happy. Sure it was annoying to the first few times. We had a huge cart one time when it happened because we would get our daughter a candy, but we have to stick to it.

And as for your appertain you could also try walking away. Why should it be the women's job to console the child? Really - make him be hands on by walking away and finishing the shopping then. If he is smart he will take the child outside and wait in the car....

Nov 13, 2013 12:54
J

Yes - give no attention at all and walk away.

You may need to pick the sprog up and physically move him to a place where he's not going to cause any damage, but that's about it.

At home, they stand in the naughty corner until they decide to behave like the rest of the family again.

Nov 13, 2013 15:18
mum

Excellent advice - I'm going to try it with my 5 year old, thank you

Nov 13, 2013 18:04
CMH

Just my tuppence worth. Pity the shop person who had to empty and re-place an entire trolley-load of shopping! I am baffled as to why both parents need to do the shopping with children in tow? A supermarket is no place for children.

Nov 13, 2013 19:01
NethenBob

Interesting. The OP has made no reference to their gender but the first responder assumed that the poster was female.

I can't tell anyone how to bring up kids, I get stuff wrong and it's a struggle, sometimes worse. Just do what you believe to be right, no compromise. If your partner doesn't agree then you have bigger issues and you must deal with those too.

Mum, good luck with your 5 year old, they can be a real handful. I've had 3 (as a father). Are you going to try the walking away approach? Let us know how it works with a 5 year old.

Personally I want supermarkets to not only have times of the day when no children are allowed but also no tokens or other bits of paper which are not real money. Perhaps also some training that means that customers are not surprised by the idea that have to pay and have their card out ready!

Kids, huh.

Nov 13, 2013 21:02
J

"A supermarket is no place for children."
A supermarket is a brilliant place for children. They get to help find things we need, they get to push their own little trolley around (sometimes), they get to choose what they're going to eat, they make lots of old ladies smile, and they get given extra stickers by random strangers just for being cute (when there's a sticker promotion on)

Busy brains behave.

Nov 14, 2013 01:04
jdb

Hi question asker here ! Thanks for all replies, ideas and advice, etc - thanks !

NethenBob - interesting observation re: no ref to my gender ! My Q was deliberately structured like this !

I personally find going to the supermarket a real pain in the arse due to all these reasons ! I know it is clearly one of life's routines, but please I need a break. I shall seriously consider doing two trips, meaning I get the stuff that we need on a regular basis whilst the other half gets the "particulars"......

Thanks again to all !

Nov 14, 2013 11:21
jdb

Hi question asker here ! Thanks for all replies, ideas and advice, etc - thanks !

NethenBob - interesting observation re: no ref to my gender ! My Q was deliberately structured like this !

I personally find going to the supermarket a real pain in the arse due to all these reasons ! I know it is clearly one of life's routines, but please I need a break. I shall seriously consider doing two trips, meaning I get the stuff that we need on a regular basis whilst the other half gets the "particulars"......

Thanks again to all !

Nov 14, 2013 11:21
mum

Just a thought! Have you considered a shop online pick-up service such as Carrefour provide?

Nov 14, 2013 13:43
Georgiana

Most young kids behave like horrors at one stage or another and it can drive you crazy if you let it. They try to 'test the boundaries' and I agree with those that say the less notice you take of such behaviour the better. They are often 'looking for notice' as my mother would put it.

I would try to leave kids at home and not bring them to the supermarket. Its the place where kids always 'act the maggot'. One or other adults can do the shopping by agreement or get the shopping online. We buy a lot of stuff in bulk and also freeze a lot of meat and veg then you need to go less often.

Between 2 and 5 can be a difficult time for 'boundary testing' behaviour in my experience but the good news is that as they get a bit more understanding around age 6 they do improve. At least that's what happened in our house. Have a few rules and be very consistent in applying them.

Take some time for yourself too.
Good luck

Nov 14, 2013 20:15

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