‘Living Abroad, Finding Yourself’: Why connection matters more than we think, says author of new book

For many people, moving abroad starts as an adventure — but once the novelty fades, questions of identity, belonging and loneliness often surface. In her new book Living Abroad, Finding Yourself, Belgian career coach Helena Andre explores the hidden emotional journey of expat life, revealing six psychological stages that shape what it means to build a life far from home.

What inspired you to write this book?
I never set out to write a book. After getting on a plane at 18 and living abroad for nine years across continents, I suddenly found myself in London questioning my life abroad. I started writing to process what I was going through. Through conversations with fellow expats, I realised we were all experiencing similar challenges. So I began creating something that could serve as a guide, supporting expats while they navigated their own internal journey. I read extensively, conducted research and interviewed experts. The result is a book that goes beyond cultural differences and offers practical advice to anyone facing the challenges of living abroad.

Does living abroad inevitably change who you are – or simply reveal parts of yourself that were hidden?
Both. Living abroad accelerates self-discovery. It exposes us to every facet of ourselves — the confident and the uncertain, the adaptable and the hesitant. It also teaches us resilience in the face of change. In the book I share five expat archetypes that help explain how we approach cultural integration, from the Chameleon, who fully embraces the host culture, to the Octopus, who actively resists local influences.

What is the one piece of advice you give to expats to maximise their experience abroad?
Create your own emotional support system through human connection. Simply put: make friends. I have found that the ideal balance is three friendship groups: an expat group with mixed cultures, an expat group from my own culture, and a local group. Maintain at least three close friendships in any country, and balance one-to-one meetings with larger social gatherings to create connection and belonging.

What is the biggest mistake people make in their first year abroad?
Not building your personal default routine. For expats, routine can feel like a contradiction — many of us move abroad seeking adventure and change. Yet one of the most grounding things we can do is create structure that keeps us balanced rather than constantly reacting to external changes. Routine also creates intentional time to nurture friendships and open up emotionally. People’s feedback from the book is that they finally feel it is OK to speak about their emotions around living abroad.

What has living abroad taught you that you wish you had known earlier?
How diversity enriches my life. I learned to appreciate different points of view and see the world through other people’s eyes. We may share the same values but express them differently, shaped by our backgrounds and cultures. I learned to ask questions to truly understand others’ perspectives, rather than trying to prove my own point of view was the best one. If we all took the time to do this, it might make the world a little lighter.

Do you have any plans to leave Belgium again soon?

Not really. I see Belgium as one chapter in my life right now. I launched my own business, Be YOU, to support individual expats as well as organisations and universities to prepare people before they go abroad and once they arrive (onboarding). Together with my expat friend Liza Miezejeski, we are launching ViaVia, an international community for expats in Belgium.

Helena Andre is a PhD researcher, career coach, facilitator, and well-being practitioner, specialising in emotional resilience, intercultural communication and supporting expatriates through career transitions and identity shifts.

Lilian Eilers is creator of the WOOOSH App, which helps women entrepreneurs get focused and on track through online advice, courses, coaching and networking opportunities so that they can create consistent income without sacrificing quality time with family and friends.